Ralf Can't

A list of things Ralf is not allowed to do, or expectations people should have of him.

Ralf Can't…

  1. Carouse alone.
  2. Shoot his gun in the middle of town at night.
  3. Shoot his gun in the middle of town at all.
  4. Be at the back of the party.
  5. Be dared to do something.
  6. Be allowed to carry alchemist's fire.
  7. Shop unaccompanied.
  8. Enter Mhandyvver's Poultry
  9. Enter The Helm and High Sun
  10. Enter Haeleeya's.
  11. Enter Mellikho Stoneworks.
  12. Enter Dornen Finestone.
  13. Enter William's room while he is sleeping.
  14. Enter William's room ever.
  15. Shooting is not an acceptable way to "pick a card" during a magic trick.
  16. Shooting a firearm in public is not a magic trick either.
  17. Be alone on a night watch.
  18. Whisper that he is going to eat other members of the party.
  19. Eat other members of the party.
  20. Be allowed to attempt to negotiate in Goblin to creatures that do not speak it.
  21. Be trusted with fine art.
  22. Be trusted with mediocre art.
  23. Be trusted with crappy art.
  24. Be trusted, in general.
  25. Give hugs to strangers.
  26. Gift people stolen pictures of children, even to other party members.
  27. The barter system does not work for fines.
  28. Disguise himself just to hide from the party for fun.
  29. Is not allowed to constantly scream "MASTER BLASTER!" while riding Gilderoy's shoulders.
  30. Disguise himself as Ira Darkrock but wearing makeup.
  31. Tell people his name is Irene Darkrock.
  32. Build a fort inside a zombie cave.
  33. Hold up the party to mutilate corpses.
  34. Blow surprise attacks until they have finished by shooting his gun.
  35. Cut heads off of dead bodies in public.
  36. Cut heads off of dead bodies without a good reason, period.
  37. Stare at people while they sleep.
  38. Stare at people while they're awake.
  39. Infiltrate dreams.
  40. Be a corrupting influence on youth.
  41. Use a cap of water breathing on a horse to make it a seahorse.
  42. Break into a grain mill in the middle of the night just to see how it works.
  43. Argue that being on top of something tall makes you taller than it is.
  44. Ride hippogriffs without the rest of the party.
  45. Be trusted with the hirelings.
  46. Cannot attend fire-themed festivals.
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